No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
