I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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