Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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