If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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