kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
