It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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