It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
