Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
