he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
