i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
