8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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