Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
