i just wanna soil my oats bro
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
