I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
