I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
