Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i think i just lost a toe
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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