I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
