We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Bring me that man meat
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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