yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
