I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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