thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
