You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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