hotel room ftw
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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