hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
