I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
