sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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