I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
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Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?