Texts From Last Night

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around

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  (419): There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around http://tfl.nu/vprs
  Replies (41) Good night (855) Bad night (3460)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.

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  (604): Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life. http://tfl.nu/tq60
  Replies (15) Good night (1137) Bad night (3855)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts

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  (850): I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts http://tfl.nu/nzvy
  Replies (34) Good night (934) Bad night (4076)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.

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  (931): my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling. http://tfl.nu/ym3n
  Replies (66) Good night (27976) Bad night (1499)
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  (631): View more from New York

  stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well

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  (631): stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well http://tfl.nu/al3m
  Replies (6) Good night (3199) Bad night (985)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.

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  (732): she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it. http://tfl.nu/tlpk
  Replies (9) Good night (3787) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.

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  (540): we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate. http://tfl.nu/t1ac
  Replies (7) Good night (3720) Bad night (1771)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.

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  (717): I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink. http://tfl.nu/gbhu
  Replies (3) Good night (1077) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.

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  (614): Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop. http://tfl.nu/e8lv
  Replies (7) Good night (736) Bad night (1174)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.

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  (415): I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain. http://tfl.nu/kod9
  Replies (8) Good night (1536) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend

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  (910): I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend http://tfl.nu/p2pa
  Replies (13) Good night (1133) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth

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  (402): Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth http://tfl.nu/4hkn
  Replies (16) Good night (747) Bad night (3447)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some

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  (307): who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some http://tfl.nu/7roh
  Replies (9) Good night (1018) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working

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  (706): See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working http://tfl.nu/fcot
  Replies (3) Good night (1000) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.

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  (406): Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan. http://tfl.nu/6agv
  Replies (2) Good night (573) Bad night (408)

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