...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
