my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
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If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
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I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake