dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?