I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
