stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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