He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Canadian or clown?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger