i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
