it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize