He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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