i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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