I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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