Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
