Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My vagina just clenched in fear
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize