You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
