Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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