what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
