I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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