why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
