I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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