last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
