fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
