I've blown a few things in my day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
