Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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