i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
