New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
