at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
