Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
