You're completely useless in the revolution.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
