Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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