Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
