Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Is it because I queefed?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
