I want to have your abortion
her vagine was all disorganized.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
