Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
