One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
