He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
