I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
