Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
