My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
