no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I look better un-naked...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
