I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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