woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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