just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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