I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I need a beard to bite.
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