when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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