ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
