My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
