i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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