I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
