I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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