I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
