She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
