just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
