Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
