am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
