singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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