Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
