Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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