HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
