you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
