used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
