I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
