so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it's like heaven, but drunker
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
